I was checking out the want ads job listings the other day and one caught my interest – seems the Catholic Church is looking to hire a new Pope – So, I figured that I’d file my application… True, I’m not personally a Catholic, but to screen out non catholic applicants would just be flat out religious bigotry – not to mention UnAmerican!! (Hmmm… come to think of it, all the Popes so far have been unAmerican)… But that aside – I’ll be looking to you all for support and your votes (if any Cardinals are reading this)…
As my first act as Pope, I would trade in the Pope-Mobile for a candy apple red 57 Chevy convertible – (a Pope should look cool!)
I would also turn over all evidence and documentation on pedophile Priests to the proper law authorities for prosecution – Lets get those pervy priests out of the priories and into prison where they belong!
I would work on promoting ecumenical understandings with the Jewish and Muslim faiths, by inviting their leaders to the Vatican and giving them complimentary Pope Hats – perhaps might even invite the Protestants as well (Except for the Mormons and Baptists – those guys are just too irritating!)
As Pope, I would ask God to cool it with this Global Warming – because drowning everyone in the Maldives really isn’t good PR… Or wait – are they Catholics in the Maldive Islands? I dunno… Well, if they aren’t, I guess it’s okay then…
And most importantly: FREE Pizzas for Everyone!!
What, the St. Louis Cardinals get to elect the Pope? Well, I guess that’s one bennie for playing with a lackluster team… If they can find a guy with a good pitchin’ arm, it should help the church quite a lot…
If this were a fair world, you’d think that the Angels an’ the Padres would get some votes as well… But maybe they call ‘em the “Gas House Gang” because of the White Smoke…
Well the Cardinals should think outside of the box of just other Cardinals being a candidate. Josh, you do know that if you want to head the Catholic Church there is that baptismal ritual, at the least to go through. An outside the box candidate wouldn’t have to carry anyone’s baggage, and could clean house where it is needed. Very true.
What a graceful move there by Bunz! She definitely has modern dance potential.
Sorry, still admiring the curse ‘Annoying dirt larva!’
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